In My Veins
by Summersetlights
Summary: After the tragedy of Julia, Eli is scared to realize that Clare Edwards floats through his veins.


_**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. Or the song "in my veins."**_

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><p><em><strong>I. Ju Ju Ju Jules<strong>_

Her name was Jules.

_Ju ju ju jules_, I'd always sing happily and she'd hit me with the back of her hand. But then we'd both laugh and the mark that she left behind became nothing more than a bruise upon my weak body.

Jules hated me at first. I followed her around like the lost puppy I was and I begged for her attention like the begger I was. But she'd turn around and push me and the kids would point at me and laugh- _Look at that kid! The girl pushed him!_-And they'd laugh and laugh and I'd stare at her pathetically. Because I was sure that I was in love with the intimidating girl.

She placed a dainty kiss on my cheek in the sweet summer before my tenth grade year. She smelled like apples and I saw my last part of innocence run out the door when I felt her body against my tragedy. She suckled on my neck and I yelled again, _Ju Ju Ju Jules!_ And she didn't hit me, but she did pin me to the wet ground.

I lost my virginity that night. I was weak and a pansy. I sweated and shook above her and she complained how the sharp grass was cutting into her skin. But I told her that I was sorry and instead of yelling her name; I yelled that I loved her and the sound of my voice shot up into the sky and clung to the branches of the trees and I was pretty sure that everyone knew that I loved Ju Ju Ju Jules. I panted on top of her and my eyelashes fluttered as if they were breathing. And she called me cheesy and threw me off of her; the green and sharp grass was pressed deeply into her skin. Jules told me that she couldn't believe that she did a virgin like me. And I believed it.

I'm Elijah Goldsworthy. I can break your heart in a minute.

And she was Jules. She broke my heart in a second.

On our eighth date she told me about the Tuesday before. She told me that she wasn't really visiting her Grandma and that she was really visiting the school's football team. My Jules even had marks to show. The mark on her neck was from the quarterback; Steve. She said that he was a really nice guy. I guess that he told girls why he was cheating on them with their best friend.

And I called her a slut.

And she slapped me for the first time in eighty-seven days. She got out of my car and she stormed off into the night. I drove off and I never wanted to talk to her again. I thought that she'd talk to me in the morning.

_Negative._

Negative like her skin tempeture after being hit by a drunk driver that didn't stop. Negative like her life. Negative like her love. _Negativenegativenegative._

That's all it was.

And after the accident, I felt her in my veins. _Ju Ju Ju Jules!_ I thought. Ju Ju Ju Jules was gone and she's negative and the whole world was going to crash. She was in my veins and nobody else could be in my veins like she could. Jules was a tattoo on my naked flesh that bit and ate at every part of me.

Ju Ju Ju Jules was gone.

And so was I.

**_II. Clarabelle _**

_Clarabelle,_ I sing at the top of my lungs when I come home from school. I dance around the messy kitchen and chug the milk that was about to go bad. I slide on the slippery floor and sing until my lungs feel weak and sore and under pressure.

Her name is Clare.

She was assigned to me and I to her. She smells like cotton and lavender and I can't think when I'm around her. My head swims and floats from heaven-to-heaven and she makes me wonder about love. She calls me _El-li-jah_; with her plump lips popping with every syllabal. And I watch her lips move and I wonder why I can't stop staring at them.

My dad calls her Clarabelle too. He sings it in his rough voice and I think that it's because I'm happy. And I tell him that my Clarabelle isn't mine yet but I want her to be. I tell him that when she gets excited; she walks on her tiptoes. And my dad tells me that I've caught the lovebug. I tell him that he's wrong and that I could never love anyone again. That idea is preposterous.

I tell her that I'm in love with her on the first day that it snows. It comes out of my mouth and I choke and I want to run away. But she whispers it back and the broken arrows around my heart disappear and I swear that I can see a light come out of her. _Clarabelle_, I whisper. And I run my fingers down her back. _Clarebelle_, I say again because that's who she is. And for some reason, I feel like I'll forget her. So I whisper it again.

I'm Elijah Goldsworthy. I have stolen everything innocent from her.

She's Clare Edwards. She has stolen everything evil from me.

She gives me the ring that usually lives on her finger. I stare at it because I feel like I'm dreaming. The ring is so warm and I'm so cold. She tells me to make love to her. And she's oh so tempting and I take her up on her request. But I feel pure when I follow through. I'm that virgin who is making love for the first time and I feel something course through my veins as she whispers my name. _El-li-jah_, she says. And I yell that I love her and the scene seems too close to past situations. And I want to puke because something is crawling in my body and she says my name again; her pink lips popping.

When she falls asleep, I go into the bathroom and I look into the mirror. I notice that the young boy in grade ten was gone and was replaced with a man who had just made love to someone he was in love with. I watch my eyes in the mirror and notice that deep gut feeling in the irises. It's moving around in fear but it's slowing down. And when it completely stops, I know what it means. I know what it's saying.

_Clarabelle_, I think. Because that is her name. I feel a sharp pain in my side and I know what's happening. She's becoming a tattoo on my naked flesh. She's on me even when she's not by me. I feel her pumping through me and squeezing every last drop that I have left. She has me by the neck and she's running through my body. She's giggling and playing and she smells like lavender and that's all I know.

_Clarebelle._

I can feel her in my veins.

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><p><strong><em>A bit different to what I usually post. I wanted this to be like I was in Eli's head.<em>**

**_Review, please? ;)_**


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